What Those Of Us Who Suffer From A Chronic Illness Want You To Know

Since being diagnosed with Chronic Lyme Disease, I have been blessed to have the support of a loving family (a special shout out to my hubby Carl) and some pretty amazing friends.  Whatever I need, they are always there to encourage me and do whatever they can to make things easier for me.  That being said, there are some things that you may not realize about me and others who suffer in silence out of love and care for those near and dear to us.

Most days, on the outside to most people I look completely normal.  If only you could see what’s really going on inside. There’s a lot going on.  I work hard to hide my symptoms because I don’t want others to feel sorry for me, more importantly, I don’t want people to worry about me.  I’ve always been one that is independent and self-sufficient, but with this illness, at times I need the help and support of others which is at times hard for me to accept.  You see, on the outside, you don’t see the anxiety I deal with (thanks to brain fog and short term memory loss), hoping I don’t forget something important, like how to get home (which has happened) or the intense pain that consumes every ounce of my being or the hand tremors that makes my writing impossible to interpret or the days that my legs just decide they just don’t want to cooperate and last but not least when out of the blue I lose my voice for no apparent reason.  What a way to live right?  That’s just scratching the surface.  Because I care so much for my family and friends (each of you), I go to great lengths to disguise what I’m going through.  If there’s too much attention on my symptoms, I become insecure and stressed about what others might think of me which is obviously no way to live.

I share all of this with you to say, 1- thank you for your support, it really means a lot to me, more than words could ever say and 2- most days there’s a lot going on with me so if I seem a bit off, especially in social settings it’s not you, it’s me.  I am hopeful that one day I will be able to report that I am in remission or that I am completely healed.  Until then, keep me in your thoughts and prayers and I will be sure to do the same for you and your family.

Thank you for reading!

XO,

Windy

Why Me?

Throughout my journey with Lyme Disease, I have often wondered why me?  There are millions of people in this world, how and why did I get chosen to go through this?  I have at times wondered what my life would be like if I didn’t have to deal with this at all.  When I allow myself to go down that path, it’s easy to feel sorry for myself and become resentful of the hand I’ve been dealt.

After spending some time down “Why Me Blvd”, I come to my senses and hear a small whisper, “why not you?  “If anyone can handle this, it’s you, Windy”.  I’m reminded of that verse in the Bible that says, “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength”.  You see, my faith tells me that God will never give me more than what He has equipped me to handle.  While it might be hard, and at times, really sucks (just being honest), I have what it takes to get to the other side.  You see on the other side of this “test” is a “testimony” and I hold firm to that thought when I’m having a bad day.  I choose to believe that God is using me to help others and that brings me so much joy and comfort.  It’s not about me, it’s about Him!  I could very easily become angry at God and some might feel I have every right to, however, my mother used to tell me that “to whom much is given, much is expected”.   I realize that in spite of my illness, I am truly blessed and have a lot to offer.  I plan to do all the good I can for as many people as I can.  If I can help at least one person who is struggling with illness (or in any other way) then I’ve done my job.

I may never really know why I am dealing with Lyme and that’s ok with me.  I’m a firm believer that everything happens for a reason and as long as I don’t allow myself to wallow in self-pity and stay focused on the bigger picture, God will see me through.

Still fighting,

Windy