As I reflect on this past year, I realize it’s been a year for lots of growth!  Growth in ways  I never could have imagined.  You see 2019 has been a challenge for me and my family as I have continued to battle Chronic Lyme Disease, Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.  As a result, I have been unable work.  I spend a lot of time home alone while my husband is at work and the kids are at school.  It’s during these moments that I spend  time with the Lord, reading my bible, reading devotions and having my own worship service through song. 

It has been hard because during those times spent home alone, the enemy (Satan) invites himself in and tries to cause me to doubt God.  He does this by whispering lies to me when I am at my weakest point, which is most likely during an IV infusion or when I’m feeling really ill.  It’s during those moments he tells me that I will never be healed, that my husband will leave me because he didn’t sign up for all of this.  He has basically tried to get me to believe that because of my illness God has no use for me.  While I know this is not true, it can been hard to fight the enemy when you’re sick.  Some days I feel like the enemy is sitting in my room waiting for me to wake up each day so he can torture me.  It’s awful how he preys on the weak, those who really love God and are trying to live out the purpose He has for us.  Jeremiah 29:11 tells me that God has a plan for me and I believe that with all my heart.  I choose to stand in faith and will use this illness as a testimony of the goodness of God.

Sometimes people will ask me, “What if God doesn’t heal you?”  Well, I am already healed by what Jesus did on the cross for me over 2000 years ago. The bible tells me that “By His stripes, I am healed” (Isaiah 53:5).  Now for me, that means I will either be healed on this side of heaven or on the other side of heaven when I transition from this life.  One way or another I will be healed.  Don’t get me wrong, I am doing better every day, though I’m not 100%.  If I don’t see healing on this side of heaven, I am reminded in Daniel 3:18 “And if not, He is still good”!

This year I have grown deeper in my relationship with God and my faith remains strong.  My life goal is to help others who are struggling with chronic illness and to share the goodness of God.  My family started a foundation in my name as a way to meet this goal.  Please check out our website when you get a chance.  https://www.windyjcumberbatch.org/

Happy New Year!

WJC

Over the past several months I’ve been asked “so what do you do all day”?  That is such a loaded question but one I’ll try to answer here.  As you can probably imagine, I spend a lot of time alone.  My husband works four days a week and my kids are in school every day so that leaves 8-10 hours to do things like…think!  I think a lot about how my life used to be, things I used to do, places I used to go and I often wonder when my life will change for the better (and I know it will).

As a person living with chronic illness, I tend to have too much time on my hands.  I notice all the things wrong around the house, I notice how the neighbors linger with their pets in front of our house and I also have time for the all consuming pity party.  As a woman of faith, I work really hard to remind myself of God’s promises to me, that he has plans to prosper me and not to harm me.  With all that time alone, the enemy (Satan) will get in my head and make me feel like my world is coming to an end, that I am all alone is this fight for my health.  While I know this is a lie in my spirit, my flesh at times entertains these thoughts and I become depressed and anxious.  I start thinking  to myself how unfair it is that I am so sick.  Sometimes I cry, other times I scream and throw things (mostly clothes) out of anger and grief of my former life before this setback in my illness.  After some time has passed, the holy spirit reminds me what God’s word says and I snap out of it, but it’s not easy.  I am human and I get weak some times.  I try my best to keep my mind free from the lies of satan and focus on the truth that only comes from God.

During the week, I typically don’t get out of the house much, but my husband does try and get me out of the house from time to time.  He hates seeing me sit around doing nothing so he takes me to the pharmacy to pick up my prescriptions or will take me out on a quick date when I’m up to it.  The only thing I do for sure each week is go to church.  I can’t tell you how important that is for me.  The only way I will miss church is if I’m so sick I can’t gather up enough strength and will power to roll out of bed.  It does happen from time to time, but not often.  I try to save all my energy from the week and pour it all into Sunday.  You see, that’s a family day for me and once Sunday is over I am done for the rest of the week as it takes everything out of me to do that one thing.   Don’t get me wrong, I have some great friends who call and text me during the week to check on me and that means so much, but I am not at the point where I can go visit anyone or meet up anywhere for lunch or coffee.  I have not been able to drive since January 2018 due to my illness.  Cognition is so horrible that I forget where I’m going and have no sense of direction, I have a slow response so I would not be able to make quick decisions if needed, so that makes it hard to.  So Sunday it is!  I try to be as present as I can with my family.  School functions, football games and other major events but sometimes I just have to listen to my body and say No.  I used to push myself and just go go go, I can’t do that any longer.  It’s not healthy for me and will only delay my recovery and nobody wants that.  So I take things one day at a time and pray that God gives me what I need to make it through each day and He has never let me down.  He’s got me!

Until next time,

WJC