Walking through this chronic illness journey has really caused me to reflect on all the things that have transpired, especially the past 2 years which have been really rough for me physically and emotionally. It would be easy for me to get upset and become bitter for the loss of my former self. To wallow in self pity, feeling like the world is against me. I’m sure many of you would say I have every right to feel betrayed somehow, but you know what…I’m learning that I’m a lot tougher than I thought.
I have been living with Chronic Lyme, Chronic Fatigue and Fibromyalgia since 2003 (maybe a little longer for the Fibromyalgia) and it has not been easy. Each day brings with new symptoms, lots of pain and fatigue. I wake up each day not really knowing how I’m going to feel or what I may or may not be able to do that day. The hardest thing for me so far is not being able to work. I deal with a lot of cognitive issues, short term memory loss and brain fog. I can’t control the things I can remember and it’s very frustrating. I try to write things down so I don’t forget, but that sometimes poses a challenge when I can’t remember where I put the note. Some things that have I have been doing for years are easier for me to accomplish, but even those things start to become challenging for me. I thank God that those who love me and those I do life with extend lots of grace and are very patient with me, which is a huge relief. I will admit at times it does cause a disagreement with my husband or family member when they tell me something I said or did and I can’t remember. In my mind, if I can’t remember it, it didn’t happen. Slowly, I’m learning to say, “You might be right, but I don’t remember that”. That helps keep the arguments to a minimum, but at times I have stood my ground and that’s no fun!!!! As hard as it is, I am learning that it’s ok to forget and it’s ok to say “I’m sorry”. (My husband will love that I said that). Ha!
When I was growing up, my mother would always say “To whom much is given, much is required” and I truly believe that with all my heart. God has been so good to me and my family over the years. He’s given me “much” therefore, “much” is required of me. Yeah, being sick sucks at times but guess what…this too shall pass and I’m learning with each passing day that I’m tougher than I thought!
Until next time,