This chronic illness journey is lonely. Not only is it lonely, it can also be quite isolating and scary. What do I mean by that? I’m glad you asked because not many people do to be honest.
When you live with multiple chronic illnesses, there are things you experience that are difficult to explain to someone who has never had to think about their health every single day.
There are symptoms that nobody else can see.
There are appointments that nobody else sits through.
There are medications, tests, lab results, flare-ups, setbacks, and unanswered questions that become a part of your everyday life.
And sometimes, there’s the fatigue!!!!
Not the kind of fatigue that makes you want to take a nap and wake up feeling refreshed.
I’m talking about the kind of fatigue that makes you wonder how you are going to keep doing this tomorrow.
The Loneliness Is Complicated.
Sometimes I feel lonely because I physically can’t do the things I used to do.
I may have to cancel plans because my body has decided it has other plans for me.
Sometimes I don’t have the energy to socialize.
Sometimes I don’t feel well enough to explain why I don’t feel well.
And sometimes, I simply don’t want to be the person who always has to say, “I can’t.”
I miss being able to make plans without wondering how my body will respond.
I miss being spontaneous.
I miss not having to think about whether something is going to cause a flare.
I miss parts of the person I was before chronic illness changed my life.
And that’s a hard thing to admit.
Because I am grateful for my life.
I am grateful for the people I love.
I am grateful for the moments when I feel good.
And most importantly, I am grateful that God has carried me through every season.
But gratitude doesn’t mean I don’t grieve.
Both can exist at the same time.
I can trust God and still have hard days.
I can have faith and still be scared.
I can believe that Jesus is with me and still feel incredibly alone.
Sometimes The Scariest Part Is Not Knowing.
Chronic illness can take away your sense of certainty.
You don’t always know when the next flare is coming.
You don’t always know how you’re going to feel tomorrow.
You don’t always know if a new symptom is something serious or just another strange thing your body is doing.
And sometimes you don’t know if things will ever get better.
That uncertainty can be terrifying.
There have been moments when I’ve wondered, How long am I going to have to live like this?
I’ve asked God questions.
I’ve cried.
I’ve been frustrated.
I’ve felt discouraged.
I’ve wondered why healing hasn’t come the way I’ve prayed for it to come.
But even in those moments, I keep coming back to Jesus.
Not because I have everything figured out.
I don’t.
I come back because I know that when everything else feels uncertain, He is still there.
Jesus Meets Me In The Lonely Places.
One of the things chronic illness has taught me is that God’s presence doesn’t always mean my circumstances immediately change.
Sometimes His presence looks like strength to get through another day.
Sometimes it looks like peace when I should be overwhelmed.
Sometimes it looks like getting out of bed when I really don’t want to.
Sometimes it looks like a friend checking on me at exactly the right time.
Sometimes it looks like crying in prayer because I don’t have the words to say anything else.
And sometimes it simply looks like knowing that I’m not walking through this alone.
Jesus never promised us a life without trouble.
He said:
“In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”
— John 16:33
I hold onto that.
Because chronic illness is part of my story, but it is not the entirety of my story.
Chronic illness may affect my body.
It may change my plans.
It may limit what I can do.
But it does not get to define my worth.
It does not get to determine whether my life has purpose.
And it certainly does not separate me from the love of God.
If you are lonely too…
I want you to know that I see you.
If you have chronic illness and feel like nobody really understands what you’re going through, I understand that feeling.
If you’ve stopped explaining yourself because you’re tired of being misunderstood, I understand.
If you’ve had to grieve the life you thought you would have, I understand.
If you’re afraid of what tomorrow might bring, I understand.
And if your faith feels stronger some days than others, please give yourself grace.
You don’t have to pretend that everything is okay just because you love Jesus.
You don’t have to put on a smile every day.
You don’t have to turn every painful experience into a lesson before you’ve had time to process it.
Sometimes you just need to sit with God and say, “Jesus, I’m tired.”
And that’s okay.
He already knows.
I May Be Lonely, But I Am Not Alone.
That distinction means everything to me.
There are days when chronic illness makes me feel isolated from the world around me.
But I remind myself that isolation is a feeling—not the truth about God’s presence.
Jesus is with me on the good days.
He’s with me on the bad days.
He’s with me in the doctor’s office.
He’s with me during the flare.
He’s with me when I receive good news.
He’s with me when I receive disappointing news.
He’s with me when I’m hopeful.
And He’s with me when I’m afraid.
So, yes…
This chronic illness journey is lonely.
Sometimes it’s isolating.
Sometimes it’s scary.
Sometimes I don’t understand why God has allowed this to be my story.
But I’m learning that I don’t have to understand everything to trust Him.
I just have to keep taking the next step.
One day at a time.
One prayer at a time.
One moment at a time.
And when I don’t have the strength to carry myself, I trust that Jesus will carry me.
Because even in the loneliest parts of this journey…
I am never truly alone.
Prayer
Dear God,
You know the parts of my journey that nobody else sees.
You know the pain, the fear, the fatigue, the questions, and the loneliness.
When I feel isolated, remind me that You are near.
When I am afraid of what tomorrow may bring, give me peace for today.
When I am frustrated with my body, help me remember that my worth is not determined by what my body can or cannot do.
Give me Your strength when I am weak.
Give me hope when I feel discouraged.
Give me people who will listen without trying to fix everything.
And help me remember that even when I feel alone, I am never without You.
Thank You for staying with me through every part of this journey.
I don’t know what tomorrow holds, but I know You are already there.
In the name of Jesus,
Amen
Thank you so much for stopping by! Please be sure to subscribe, like, comment and share this blog with others who are suffering with chronic illnesses. It is my goal to empower, encourage and inspire others who are also on a personal faith and healing journey.
Remember, You Can Do Hard Things!
XO, Windy
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