It’s been quite some time since I’ve written a post to my blog, mainly because I’ve been dealing with a lot medically and in my personal life. Simply put, life has been lifeing!
During my time away from blogging, I’ve had time to think about my life…where I’ve been, and where I’m headed, and I realized that I still miss the old me. You see, over the last year or so I’ve worked hard to get back to how things used to be. Before all of the sickness and disability changed the course of my life. Trying to get back to some sense of normalcy, but the truth is I can’t. No matter how hard I try I have to accept where I am and do my best to embrace it. When I think about it, things could be a lot worse. I’m still here by the grace of God!
What’s Life Like Now?
The hardest thing right now is that I can only drive locally. I have not driven outside of the Austin area since 2017. I used to be able to hop in my car and drive home to visit my family whenever I felt like it. Now, I have to wait until my husband has time to drive me. That’s because I have memory loss and easily forget what I’m doing and where I am going. If I am out of town and get lost that would not be good. I can’t come and go with family and friends the way I used to. Each day must be planned in advance, like at least a week or 2 so I can prepare my mind and my body for the time and energy I will need in order to be somewhat present. And even then there’s a great chance on the day of I will need to cancel or reschedule. At times it can be depressing and embarrassing but what’s a girl to do? As I’ve mentioned in previous posts, I have been blessed with a great family and some pretty amazing friends who are understanding and extend grace when this happens.
Another big thing that’s happening now is my ability to say “No”! I am now saying this more often because I need to. This used to be quite hard for me in the past. Someone would ask me to do something or go somewhere and I would be too afraid to say “No”. Partly because at times I can be a people pleaser and partly because I would not want to miss out on life to the detriment of my body. Nowadays, saying “No” comes a lot easier for me say. It’s important to say “No” to things I need to say “No” to in order for me to be fully present for the few things I get to say ” Yes” to. In the end, I only have one life to live and I am doing my best to live it to the fullest as best I can.
Lastly, I still walk with a cane. Not necessarily because I need it to help me walk, more so I need it to keep me from falling. Due to autoimmune disease I tend to lose my balance quite easily and haven fallen more than a few times. I HATE using it. It makes me feel some type of way when I’m out in public. It’s a very tangible reminder of how my life has changed. Every now and then when the joints in my hands are too painful to use the cane, you might see me without it but those days are few and far between. When I am somewhere with my husband and we don’t have to do too much walking he will just grab me by the hand and help me navigate to where I need to go. Using a cane also gets to me mentally. I imagine that when people see me with my cane they feel sorry for me. That may or may not be true but it’s hard for someone like me who is so used to doing things on my own. How times have changed!
How I’ve Made It This Far
My faith in God, my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ is how I’ve made it this far. It is because of His goodness towards me that I can face each day knowing He’s with me, He’s for me and He has a plan for my life. I won’t say it’s been easy because it hasn’t, but with God on my side it’s bearable because ultimately I know that He won’t give me anymore than I can handle. I do my best to read my Bible each day to stay encouraged and pray to God for guidance and strength to make it through each day. He has been so faithful and He won’t fail! He won’t!
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XO- Windy
Daniel 3:18 “And if not, He is still good! “
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